Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
