We named our party play list daddy issues
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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