i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
