Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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