I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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