Acid is not a monday night drug
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
