my sisters under your porch take her home
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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