so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
