My balls are so social today.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
