Can Purell be used as lube?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
