He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
