My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
