He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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