TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
