I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
