I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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