Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
