I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
