i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
