I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
