ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
