Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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