im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
