The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
