The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
