If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
then he tried to convert me to islam
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
