Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
