I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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