Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
