I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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