Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
