the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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