He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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