Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
