I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
