how can u be prego again
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
