like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
