So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
