She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
