Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
