I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
