You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Randomize
