Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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