Where is the hickey?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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