I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You ruined the universe
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
