His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
