Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
