Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
