They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
