I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
