that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am naked and annoyed.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
