Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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